10. Capricorn is the tenth sign in the horoscope,
and i have told many that these things
were never the strings
within the puppet show we star in
but it is merely a treasure map
that literally connects the dots
that marks the spot
and pins whatnots accordingly.
It is a blanket set aside as they prepare the same nests
for those born under the same reign.
1. Rain, nay, storm.
That's how i got my name,
the weather shall always be placed into blame on how as a person i am not (the) warm(est).
All this prayer within a namesake does not only come
from the Lion King, a taxi in South Asia, or the loyalty of the great Hanoman himself
- as friends mockingly say that it means farts
even though it's actually "comes the melody of the wind".
That's how i got my name,
the weather shall always be placed into blame on how as a person i am not (the) warm(est).
All this prayer within a namesake does not only come
from the Lion King, a taxi in South Asia, or the loyalty of the great Hanoman himself
- as friends mockingly say that it means farts
even though it's actually "comes the melody of the wind".
6. Fin.
Even without, i can swim - pretty well -
at this age i wanted to be a mermaid
but the heartaches made me write silly rhymes and notes to make everyone feel better instead,
it made me write.
A divorce is better than a dysfunctional marriage.
18. Baggage.
Her weight that time was probably 50 kg,
Her suitcase 20,
mine 30 - our issues a ton,
the years spent,
the memories we had together...
broke the scale, we had to pay extra -
still couldn't believe that we landed safely here.
2.
3.
4.
Fear and all of its galore. Death, confined spaces, rodents, and all of its gore. I've counted, lost counted, inhales, tiles within trails, words that fails ; sent to avoid
to the void, along with a history of lost mails, people who've bailed, and clouds that are... shaped like whales.
8. Tails and heads, along with fate
were also my sticks and stones, and how mom said words can never break my bones.
Words were frankly like the rubber bands shot at me, and both lasted quite awhile.
Maybe it was written, but I'm glad that my mom stood for me against all the hurt inflicted in which she would never allow.
9. 7. 5.
How do you know the difference between friend or foe for these things don't show,
and I've had a couple from long ago but as pretty as the concept is i assume that they melt like snow.
Strawberry Shortcake sang "Like a flower friendship grows" but it also wilts as my head slowly tilts every time one fades, and crumbles the trust I've built,
have they no guilt?
and in return, have i got none?
How do you know the difference between friend or foe for these things don't show,
and I've had a couple from long ago but as pretty as the concept is i assume that they melt like snow.
Strawberry Shortcake sang "Like a flower friendship grows" but it also wilts as my head slowly tilts every time one fades, and crumbles the trust I've built,
have they no guilt?
and in return, have i got none?
14. Sun.
If the sun tries to kiss the moon, albeit that we all wouldn't be humming the same tune.
For heartaches - ice cream would always do the trick!
all this might not make sense at the moment...
which is why you should go get yourself some ice cream.
I trust that it will help in letting it all slide.
12. Hide.
The corners,
squares,
and gaps
between lockers,
toilet stalls,
and stairs
have become snug
and comfy for me and my reading materials to be left be.
Please, leave me be.
The corners,
squares,
and gaps
between lockers,
toilet stalls,
and stairs
have become snug
and comfy for me and my reading materials to be left be.
Please, leave me be.
14. Pretty.
I've been told that the biggest flaw in my bane existence was my appetite -
then again this porcelain was so skeletal, wait, petite that i bet
she doesn't know that angels are actually large burritos with extra guacamole not Victoria's secrets.
Some girls rather be the french fries
- loved by many, sliced thin, and dipped in ketchup crimson ready to please -
instead of actually munching ones in the dead of night while dwelling on recent series and media fascinations.
16. Infatuation. What is this word? Can i eat it?
19. It is now the 19th, and i am now a 19 year old, insignificant -
with lists and speeches made to be heard by my sink's mirror,
tears in replacement of what was meant to be said,
proses crumbled,
always complaining in my mumbles,
with nostalgic montages paused and replayed...
slowly surging,
burning,
turning
- drawing to a blank.
11. Sank. There goes my faith,
it has never been there but I've always forced it even though the thought was square
with exact sharp edges and i was round,
lost despite the breadcrumb trails i followed, now waiting to be found.
By this age, i was the only kid that believed in stars & stories, played with tarot cards instead of barbies,
and maybe mom made me read too many Holocaust themed books but regardless... He's unfair - if he was even there.
17. Hair. Rocking a boy's haircut does not make me a dyke, in fact till now I am continuously scraping the labels that are placed on me for I would only accept the fact that i am female. I am not a can of tomato soup that you wake up to after a hangover or any other grocery objects placed on sale. A potato, maybe, yes. For the boys and the old ladies who have preferred it, throughout the seconds spent my hair continues to grow longer to please, and i hate it. I was not any less desirable nor lady-like ever since, at least not to you but i continued to keep my scissors hidden in my "what if"s, as dumb as the little mermaid, i've replaced it with a fork as a comb.
15. Home.
These sturdy logs in midst of the all the fog shall always welcome
those in need,i have not much to feed,
those whom are lost without much to do, those whom are just passing through.
But what if it required a little tending,
perhaps the fire place, the dusty book case,
a little mutual symbiosis from you,
for houses like me don't walk,
houses like me have tried to talk,
but at the end of the day the lone ones shall remain still
in its shade of dark blue.
13. You.
"We chased each other with chocolate cake smudged on our face, and then he stole a peck that was my first kiss.
My list of firsts started here, Done? i am nowhere near. These anecdotes that have broke the ice several times, added with my self-proclaimed charm of endless rhymes. To hell with the media, a little girl once cried, chivalry and serenades on white horses, i will never see ya! Later on - she adamantly scribbled - when you're in college live a life like a TV show's season finale, like the last pages of this mind-boggling book i didn't want to finish - where everything is in it's right place swooped and tidied up by the characters beloved that carries along the magic of answers." wrote my past.
Alas 8th grader, i now sit here with the same old nails, bitten,
of my latest marathon? i am up to my last season,
Of actual running? in sweat your forehead still have never glistened,
From then till now, you're still sentimental with many screws missing.
Lists are written undone, as you still seek for the one since to the same sentence of how Jaime Gil de Biedma said "I believed that I wanted to be a poet, but deep down I just wanted to be a poem" - you're still sticking.
And with this last sentence
of
a rant,
a wish,
a prose,
a list,
i cross my fingers to grant myself the ability to properly end a poetry,to seal the end of the year happily, and begin with a bliss of the reciprocating answers i've been asking -
to questions in which my brain prolongs its refusal to let me in.
